i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dicks are not precious.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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