Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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