i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
