Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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