Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
