Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
