Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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