we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is classic penis vs brain.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
