I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
