It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
