I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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