she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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