he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
