Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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