Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
