my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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