Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
