Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
