If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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