Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
