I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pants are for mortals
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
