the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
NoShamevember. You game?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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