I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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