I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
