when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
