I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
