Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
