If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
