She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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