My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
