Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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