I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
