Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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