I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
