Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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