At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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