you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
