Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
