She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
