I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
