You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
