Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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