shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
