once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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