I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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