Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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