Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
