Small penises have feelings too.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
