Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
