Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
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So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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