Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
