i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i think i just lost a toe
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
