hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
