This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
