I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
