Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
