My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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