I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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