I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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