i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything