Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
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It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.