Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun