you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy