i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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