Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
