so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
