Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
