Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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