Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
