.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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