What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
