I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
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organizing the empties. That sober.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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